The Horror

January 17th, 2002

Well...last night, after a few weeks of relative quiet, I was awakened by some rustling around in my closet but I ignored it. I then heard the closet door open, and this too was ignored as I figured it was one of those bastard clowns going for a midnight snack - they've been raiding my pudding cups lately. I don't know exactly why, but butterscotch pudding is like a drug to them.

I slowly drifted back to sleep...

About an hour later I was awakened again by loud rodeo music and screams of "YEEHAW!"and "COWBOY!"

I was a bit curious, but mostly annoyed since I was sleeping, so I tiptoed to the kitchen to see what was going on.

Oh...oh, my...Nothing could quite prepare me for the horrors that I was about to witness:


What the hell is going on here??? What are you doing?!?


Oh GOD!!! STOP THAT! What is going on???


Oh, no...I think...I'm gonna...be...sick...

I don't think they knew that I was there, because when I started screeching at them they jumped to attention with a look a shock and shame.







The next thing I know, that little red bastard jumped at me like some sort of flying spider.


AAAAAHHHH!


Get it off me!!! Get it off me!!!


Ugh...After a tiny fist of fury attack, I was on the ground and that little freak was running away.




Before I could even get up to give chase, that damn clown was around the corner and back in my closet.

When I got up to capture the other clown, it was nowhere in sight. That red bastard distracted me long enough for its "partner" to get away unseen - to my closet no doubt.
Nothing but goddam skid marks on my kitchen counter were left.

I am now so horrified of them, and what they will do next, that I sleep with the covers pulled completely over my head and my baseball bat under my pillow. One thing is for certain, the next time that I hear those creepy sons of bitches rustling around, I'm just going to come in swinging.